Fucking Patrick, you stronzo!!!

Tonight sucked ass.

First off, we lost in the rugby to the Kiwis. We played ok, but we just couldn't score any tries. I was speaking to Steff the German contender (who works at & Bar) all night and things looked promising. She seemed pretty keen to catch up when she finished work so I was like "yeah".

So after the rugby, we left & Bar and went to Shooters. Shooters was the usual crowd, a bunch of drunk cunts with no real atmosphere. There were a couple of potential victims there, but nothing I was "socially lubricated" enough to go up and start a conversation with and listen to their drunken drivel to all night in the hope of getting lucky. Besides, Steff seemed keen.

All of a sudden, out of no where, Miss Austria rocked up and was all chatty and getting close and stuff. I was like "stoked".

So I am talking to Miss Austria and we are having a good old conversation, and I have never really noticed this (probably cos I have never been too sober whenever I have talked to her), but when she talks to you, she sorta stands at your side and rotates further and further to your side and it gets to the point where she is almost standing behind you.

So I was chatting with her, fighing an ever losing battle to keep her in my "kill zone" where we could look at each other and flirt and have good body contact, but it was hard.

I was getting thirsty, and I wanted to get a drink. She initially got herself a drink (cos we already had some) and I was waiting for her to get another one, but that time never came. So it was either die from thirst or go to the bar. The bar it was.

Now, since I was going to the bar, I asked Big T if he wanted a drink and cos I am sorta keen on Miss Austria, I asked her if she wanted one too. Of course she said yes (she is a female after all) and off to the bar I went. I also did the right thing and got my other flatmate a drink. Fucking Patrick!

So I am talking to Miss Austria and I was holding 2 beers and I was like "I'll be back in a sec, I just wanna off load this", that way I could, you know... work it better with my free hand...

So I find Patrick and told him I had a beer, he was outside having a cigarette and talking to some dude. He said sweet and was like "I'll be in in a minute".

So I go back to Miss Austria and start talking again and a few minutes later, Patrick walks in and was like "I met some Austrian guys outside", I was like "and" and Miss Austria was like "Oh really? I have only met one Austrian chick since I have been here, you will have to introduce them to me later", I was like "brilliant"

Anyways, thing, I though, were going well, and who walks past but Patricks friend Mr Austria (no relation to Miss Austria, just some pretty boy fag from Austria) and dick head (Patrick) does the introduction, and that was basically the end. 3 new Mr Austrias rock up and they pretty much high-jacked Miss Austria, one fag went to the bar and came back with a beer for her, and Miss Austria, being a female, graciously accepted and turned her freshly purchaed attentions to the new suitors.

I look at stronzo (Patrick) and he was like "it wasn't meant to be this bad", I was like "Whatever".

This isn't even the end of it yet.

Steff from Germany rocked up as Miss Austria was chatting wtih Mr's Austria and I was like "Oh well, Steff is keen, I will hit her up and see how she is doing".

Guess what!

All of a sudden, Steff turned cold. She wasn't flirty or anything, she didn't seem too tired, just like she all of a sudden got her rags or something.

Retard (Patrick) also needed to leave cos he had to work tomorrow (today) so he was like, "I gotta go", and I was like like "You can eat a dick and walk home wog boy, first of all you win $5 off me cos the All Blacks Won, you kicked us out of the world cup with a dive (Italians in general) and finally you introduced these fucking Mr Austria sharks to Miss Austria who purchased her affections like a cheap whores with a $7 bottle of beer".

I was over it anyways, and I was like yep, lets go, all of the chicks I wanted to bang had already left or were drunkenly pashing some dude on the dance floor. All that was left were mingers and chicks who would take too much of an investment (in terms of purchasing booze for, for both them and myself) and honestly, I just couldn't be fucked after the 2 let downs I had.

So here I am... Home, along and not even motivated to have a wank... probably cos I had one earlier today, but whatever.

I'm going to bed... Mwah!

What Happened???!!!???

Ok, so we had our house warming and we also celebrated Patricks birthday. Patrick is the Italian dude who is living with us for the season at the Member House.

We started getting in the mood for the party from about 5:30 and the party was supposed to start at 8pm

BAD IDEA!

By the time 8pm rocked around and some people started to show up, we had already had about 10 beers each... Not an amazing effort by any stretch of the imagination, but we were a bit drunk, we didn't really eat cos we were supposed to be on the hunt and we didn't want to eat stuff that we would be burping up in the faces of our potential victims mid sentence or that would make our breath stink.

So we pretty much opted for a light dinner which did fuck all to absorb the alcohol.

Ok, so at around 9:30, we begin to get the party started... when people arrived, we gave them a "welcome" drink and most of us living in the house had one with the arrival of each group of new guests... dunno what the arrival drink was exactly, but it was fruity or somehting... one was yellow and the other was orange. We also move from the beers and start on our "party" drinks, which for me was pretty much a bottle of Cart Wheels a.k.a. Wild Turkey.

1/4 bottle gone and it is time to have a birthday shot for Patrick. The birthday shot consisted of straight vodka which had some skittles disolved into it. The result? This thick brown shit colourd stuff which tasted like a mouth full of skittles which got you drunk. So I do a shit speech and we all say cheers and everyone smashes one of these little drinks and we all get the bleagh face cos it tastes like shit with vodka and we are all happy.

I go back to my Cart Wheels and have a few more and am pretty much pissed by now when one of NoNo's Japanese mates comes up to me with one of the bowls the welcome drink was in and was like "Daaaaveeeee, driiiiink" and I was like "Noooooo, I am already drunk" and he was like "driiiiiinnnk, driiiiiinnk" and I was like you have some and he did and then offered it to me and I was like shit and I polished it off, there wasn't heaps, maybe 2 cups or someting, but it was pretty strong.

So it is about 11:30 and I have had about 10 beers, 5 cups of welcome drink, one shot of Birthday Bleagh and about 1/2 a bottle of Cart Wheels. Well and truly fucked.

THEN some Geniot (my dads word which is a cross between a genius and an idiot) grabs me and says there is some birthday bleagh left and we have to drink it, so I grab Patrick and we go to where the 1/3 bottle of vodka and skittles is on the table.

We get the plastic shot glasses and we end up filling about 11 empty ones. We all have one, then another, then me and patrick and then I have another 3.

Uh-oh I hear you say... Uh-oh I concur!!

Now this is where it goes from blurry to straight up can't remember shit. I have only heard stories, and none of them are pretty.

Apparently I was playing DJ on my lap top with out my shirt on. Don't remember... Not impossible, but I "think" it is pretty unlikely.

It has been alleged that I vomited profusely and on several occasions. Well this has definatley happened before and I am sure it will happen again, BUT I don't remember spweing and I didn't wake up with the spew taste in my mouth.

And finally there is a rumor going around that I was in my undies on the couch in the lounge room infront of everyone. I definately don't remeber this, and I haven't done this before, so I would say there is a 98% chance it is bullshit.

Ahhh, the shame... Well I can confirm for you to of the above mentioned accusations...

Kazuna, the most awesome Japanese chick you will meet, saw me today at a shop and she was like "Dave, you did too much spew!" - Tick for the spew thing.

Ahh, so that leaves either the shirt off thing or me in my undies...

The undies have it folks...

What can I say, here you can clearly see me in the nude except for my undies which are being unceremoniously removed from my ass by my flat mate Katherin. What a bitch, I have told her it is "game on moles" and to watch her back... She just laughed... Oh well, what can you do? Not fucking much.

It was lucky I was actually wearing undies for once. Oh well!

Here is another pic, just incase you didn't believe me it was in front of everyone at the party.

What does this say about the "Playing DJ without a t-shirt" story? Well that is probably true also cos my pants would be easier to take off than my shirt as I don't wear a belt and my pants are a bit too big.

Ok, I am bored and sick of writing, and no doubt you are sick of reading, so I am going to piss off now. There is more shit to the story but I can't be fucked telling it.

Kids, let this be a lesson to you...

BINGE DRINKING IS NOT COOL!!!

What a disaster today was...

Today was a disaster, I was supposed to pick up my car, but it wasn't ready, so I had to walk my sorry ass back home (about a 20 min walk) so I wasn't happy.

I have been promised by the mechanic it will be ready nice an early tomorrow morning though. Why the hell am I still awake at 2am if I am supposed to be going snowboarding in the morning?

I have been working on getting this fandangled new blogging stuff working.

It finally looks like it is working now so it is easy for me to upload images and shit, easy for you to add comments and shit, and easy for me to delete your comments and shit...

I dunno, so i guess I better go to bed.

P.S. This is more of a test blog than a real life blog, but whatever. I just wasted 49 seconds of your life.

THE BEST POWDER DAY EVER up at Treble Cone

What can I say?

I wasn't really a massive fan of powder until yesterday. I mean, seriously, coming from Oz, we don't get too many really good ones, and even if we do, the terrain isn't exactly challenging in good snow (in shit snow or ice it can be difficult)

Anyways, yesterday I rode Teble Cone for the third time this season and, man, it was good!

I started my day at about 10:30 which is pretty stupid of me considerinig how good the snow was and they didn't open the Saddle basin because of poor visibility and high winds. The Saddle Basin is pretty good fun in half decent snow, it is mostly black runs and there are some challenging bits I guess.

Snowpark was primo today!!!

This morning I woke up and I was sore and stuff, had brekky and a shower and saw that I had a bruise on my ass (I will get a photo of it for you later tonight). It was foggy in the morning and pretty cold so I was automatically un-motivated.

I had to wake NoNo's fat ass up cos he said he was keen to ride and we eventually left the house at about 10:30. Before we left, we checked the Web Cams for the mountains cos we were pretty unmotivated, but SnowPark and Cardrona were showing clear skies and little to
no wind.

So I have this thing where I am trying to get from our place on Stone St in Wanaka (A.K.A. The Big Gay House) to the top of Snowpark in under 30 mins and I pretty much have it down pat. Today we were driving and it was foggy as in Wanaka and for about 10 mins of the
15 min drive to the Snowpark entrance. The next time it is foggy, I am going to film the drive up to Snowpark and then play it in fast
forward. It will be sweet :D

Ok, so snowboarding, the whole reason I came here.

So SnowPark is really living up to it's reputation as one of the best freestlye resorts in the world. At the moment, they have about 18 boxes and rails, about 7 jumps and a massive 1/4 pipe. The half pipes aren't open yet, but it looks like they will cut them in the next couple of days which should be fun! It is still early in the season and every couple of days they add something new to play on. There are about 4 main jumps, rainging from about 10 feet to about 40/45 feet, I wanna try start jumping, but I am a bit nervous still..

I rode with NoNo for most of the day, he has put in an applicaiton for the Burton Open, we just
have to see if he gets accepted as they got more applications than there are places.

Today I did a switch front lip 270 out on one of the C Boxes which I was pretty stoked on, I wanna try and get a straight front lip to 270 Pretzel out on a C Box, but I haven't been able to get it yet. As for flat down boxes, I am still lacking confidence when it comes to gapping them and spinning onto them, but they will come with practice.

For those of you who don't know, I had a pretty bad slam at the end of last season (and I spent the whole of last season teaching my exGF how to snowboard) and from that slam I had a detached medial ligament, snapped ACL, torn medial patello ligament and a miniscus cartilage tear in my right (front) knee. I am slowly getting my confidence back on boxes, but I am a little bitch when it comes to jumps. I did a small jump on one of my jib boards and I snapped the tail cos I am a fat shit and I landed a bit too far on the tail.

My knee feels pretty solid, I am just taking it easy though cos there is still a long time left in the season and I have already seen about 7 people whos seasons have ended prematurely from injury. I have seen about 4 people break thier wrists too which is fucked.

Oh, and I also saw Miss Austria there as well, I actually gave her a lift down to her car cos she hitches from the bottom. I told her about the house warming party we are having and she seemed pretty excited and said to make sure I message her... Who knows, there might be
hope yet.

Nah, seriously... Time to stop being such a loser...

I am a bit sick at the moment, got this dry throat thing and all this snot and gollies and shit when I wake up.

I went fishing yesterday and caught my dinner, what a fucking legend (see photo above)

Watched the rugby last night and the Aussies gave the South Africans a 49-0 lesson in how to officially get your ass kicked. Shame we didn't do it to the Kiwis, but the Springboks are a pack of cunts and it is always good to humiliate em.

During the game, I met a lovely girl from Austria. I actually remembered her name so I must be fairly interested in her. We were talking and crap and after the game we left shooters and went to Red Rock which was like a million times better than shooters, it was the after party for the Option 1/4 Pipe Battle at SnowPark.

Things were going good, and like just about every dude in the place was trying to hit on her. I went to the bar (what a shock aye) and there was this english bird who was prety smashed, about 5'3" (fucked if I know how tall that is officially and in english, but I am 178cms and she coulda sucked my collar bone just standing there - I was gonna say sucked my nipple just standing there, but then I realised that that is pretty fuking short, actually she was pretty fucking short now that I think about it, so yeah, she probably coulda sucked my nipple just standing there cos her head came up to my shoulder). Anyways, she was looking at me and I was like "what" and she would look away and move closer and rub her boobs onto my arm and I was "aherrmmmmm... okaaaayyyyyy" and I was looking at her like WTF and then she was just about dry rooting my leg and her eyes were rolling around in her head and I dropped a subltle hint I was with this hot Austrian by putting my arm around her and talking in her ear.

So the night progresses nicely and I think I am doing well with Miss Austria and then it is time to head off cos all the bars shut in Wanaka at like 3am or something.

Anyways, we share a pie (aww, how romanitc haha) and then I drive her home. I hit her up for her number and she is like "Ahhhh, okkaaayyyy" and I was like WTF? De ja vu? But she gave me her number, dunnow what to do but? Like if she was keen, I guess she would have been like "can I get your number" or "you are the coolest guy I have ever met, we should meet up again" or something like that. Alas, she didn't and I didn't even get a good night kiss... Gay!

So I pose the question: Why is it we very rarely take the sure thing (think the very drunk 5'3" pommy minger with massive tits and ass which is wider than she is tall whose eyes rolling around in her head) AND go for the chick every dude is chasing (think Miss Austria)?

A free "My Girlfriend's a Bitch" t-shirt to the person who can best explain this to me. Send all responses to:

youAreNotTheOneWhoIsGayDave
...ChixAreGayAndHereIsWhatYou
AreDoingWrongYouLoser
@memberclothing.com

Apparently I came here to snowboard... not get drunk.

If that's the case, then why have I spent like $400 on getting YOOOOO in the last 4 days??? WHY don't cunts buy you drinks back when you buy them drinks?

There was a chick from last night called Katie who was a bit of alright and I though she was keen, but it turned out she wasn't, so we left and went to Red Rock. When we got to Red Rock, there were a few contenders, but nothing amazing. I was only going out to watch the rugby, so I didn't get....

FUCK ME, I thought I lost my puffer jacket which I stole of Russel Holt. It is a Rip Curl jacket, so, really, I couldn't have been that spweing about a Rip Curl jacket, but it is the only puffer I have. I just checked and luckily I picked it up before I left. When I got up to check if I had it or not, I realised that I needed to do a shit real bad, so I grabbed my lap top which means, I am doing a bog while doing a blog. Mad!

I think we are going to go up to Cardrona today cos we have season passes. I really want to go up to TC, but I couldn't be fucked paying $44 for a day pass. Also the fact that I could have got a TC pass if I didn't spend so much on alcohol makes it that little bit bit more painful.

Also, I left my car in Wanaka last night (cos I wasn't supposed to go out), I hope someone hasn't stolen my board or bindings or my car or my goggles or gloves or jacket or any thing else cos I will be spewing.

Time to wipe my ass and start the day. Game on moles!